the end of the blooming is as beautiful as the bud

"may i have those hydrangeas?"

dear sojourners,

i un-christmased my abode yesterday. Tree, which lacked verve even on the lot, was a puddle of brown needles and, after offering gratitude for hanging out with me for three-and-a-half weeks, released it back out into the wild. well, at least a holding space on my patio until tree recycling is available.

the “holiday season” has been intentionally low-key this year, except for last week’s solstice event. someone offered me an amaryllis that is biding its time, the hinted at crimson blooms still snug in their green sheath, but they are very close… i don’t mind the wait. this Season of Winter is about waiting. and it will be gorgeous when it unfurls. amaryllises are. statement of fact.

the shedding of leaves and the die back of shrubs offers perspectives of the world not seen in the riotous bounty of Spring and Summer. as a friend observed in an Instagram post, the entangled secret of Bird nests are visible amid bare-boned Trees. in Winter the ground looks bare but upon closer observation debris is breaking down, enriching the soil or providing cover for small beings (if we leave it be and don’t blow it away with leaf blowers!) life isn’t meant to be tidy.

as i was setting Tree out, i noticed a Hydrangea on the property being “Winter-trimmed” by the gardener. still retaining the last of its blooms the size of a newborn babe’s head, now faded to a dusky magenta, i asked for a few as they were going in the compost bin. the gift of drying…and dying…Hydrangeas to add beauty to my home. unexpected beauty.

a dear friend of over two decades came for tea yesterday. her presence blessed my home as we sat comfortably and sipped the magical brew. gone are days of solving or judging (okay, maybe a little judgy, but we laugh when we recognize it and let it go). we simply abide and listen. it was her first time in this new home and her first noticing was “it is so expansive.” expansive. the layout of this new space does feel more open. welcoming. i’m beginning to feel more settled, though time spent getting to know Land is lacking. and that will come. Land is not in a hurry and i am aware that rushing into a relationship with this place would not be honoring. Winter of Waiting…

at the start of a new year i typically spend time in reflection and mediation selecting a word(s), image, poem. whatever arises as compass points for the year ahead. “expansive/expanding” seems to be tapping me on the shoulder. interestingly enough, that was part of my journey in early 2020 (i wrote about this on a Nurture Your Journey blog post, Winter's Lessons on Grief, Expansiveness, and Transformation). and “contracting” may want to partner with it. like breathing. i will keep you posted.

i would be interested in how you mark shifts in life. set your own compass points. (and yes, the “new year” is an arbitrary time marker…but it is when i put a new calendar on the wall and when we do this calendar flip as a western-based society.) please offer your rituals in the comments below. i gleefully glean from what others find meaningful.

this week i have honored my commitment to rest. allowing my body to wake when it was ready (and i still made it to the pool, which is often a meditation for me.) i read the book “Truth & Beauty” by Ann Patchett. a memoir about friendship that was beautiful and hard. earlier in autumn i read an article, Most childhood cancer survivors face serious health problems as adults, about how little research has been done about the long-term effects on cancer treatments on children as they age into adulthood. the article deepened my compassion as i read about Ann’s friendship with with Lucy Grealy, the author of Autobiography of a Face, who survived cancer as a child by undergoing radical treatments. her life story is complicated. these choices are complicated. and as a parent, if one of my children had a life-limiting illness when they were young, well, they didn’t, so i don’t know what choices my spouse and i would have made. i. don’t. know.

anyway, i have books coming my way at the library, podcasts waiting to be listened to, essays by Báyò Akómoláfé to be digested, and a webinar being hosted on Science and Non-Duality (SAND), Rethinking Attachment Towards Relational Wholeness that i’m going to sign up for as the perspective looks, well expansive. so lots to ponder in future posts. but this week, i simply wanted to share the Hydrangeas. a simple beauty to end the year.

may you be tender with your heart and those around you as we enter into this turning of the calendar,

in gratitude,

anne